Raymond and I

‘ Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself? ‘

Martin Lloyd Jones

Raymond has been knocking around quite a while now, an annoying little fellow who makes his appearance when I least expect it. He never says anything just sits there or sometimes stands. He’s only about 3 ft. tall but he has the presence of a giant. I remember when I first met him he scared the living days lights out of me just standing there staring. Now of course I tend to know when he is coming. Sometimes I send him an invite sometimes he just arrives when I need him most. Raymond has known me my whole life. He has been around for the good and bad bits that have happened. He is familiar with being ignored, shoved under the bed out of sight so he has learned to be very persistent. He cannot harm me in any way in fact wise old soul that he is despite his young years he arrives to teach me something.

‘ I give up ‘ says your head ‘ Let me re-introduce myself ‘ replies your heart.

Jiveshree Saturek

I probably sound like one of those people who have a story to tell and yet the story is kind of confusing and rambling. I also probably sound like someone who’s making up some daft story just to get you attention. Well I am a mature adult holding down a job just like you, I have a family, I am sociable, I play football and I am considered great fun. That’s me on the outside, inside lives Raymond that part of I that very few people know about. Raymond was there when it all happened, the pain, the loss of my brother, my mothers drinking. He learned to hide very well to stay quiet and be the best he could be. He kind of disappeared when I started to get cranky and get into trouble.

Then a while later when life was literally balancing by a thread he decided he had had enough. My family, the doctors, the therapist all stood with him asking me what I needed. So finally I gave this little guy permission to speak and boy did he have a lot to share. Truth was I was terrified of him. Afraid he would let out all my secrets, afraid my vulnerability and shame would be exposed, afraid no one would ever be the same again. Terrified of I.

Very slowly I started to grow bunny ears and I really started to listen to Raymond. He guided me to stop, the pause, to notice my breath, to think clearly and compassionately. He gave quite a swift kick to my old friend critic and out him at the back of the queue. He stepped forward and asked me to listen, to truly listen to his yearnings to his gently uncomplicated voice. When I started to listen I started to live. I became aware, attuned, compassionate committed I started to become I instead of me. I stopped looking outside for signs of trouble and instead started to look inside to how I felt and what I needed.

I moved under my pain, anxiety and stress and I looked for what was underneath. All those things are still in my life but they don’t define me. They are now in a manageable place part of me. Contact with Raymond allows I to step forward and live in a very real way that is supported attuned and above all real. Think about finding your Raymond today and listen to what he might need to tell you.

Thank you for listening

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1 Comment

  1. Christina coleman

    Yes gina brilliant story. I identify totally with this story. I am lucky I have found my raymond and it feels great.

    Reply

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